


a funny thing happened on the way to the pharmacy

by nessismore



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Periods
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-09
Updated: 2014-01-09
Packaged: 2018-01-08 02:24:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1127254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nessismore/pseuds/nessismore
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve does a tampon run.</p>
            </blockquote>





	a funny thing happened on the way to the pharmacy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Melifair](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melifair/gifts).



> I think once upon a time, theladyscribe and I had a conversation about me writing this fic. And to melifair, who prompted this in the "stories you'd like to see me write" meme thing.
> 
> Thanks to theladyscribe for beta reading for me. Any remaining errors are totally my bad.

The text message had Tony and Clint howling. Never mind that they weren’t ever supposed to see the message and that Darcy would kill them if she found out. They just always seemed to know when Darcy was texting him, and they thought it was the height of amusement to read the messages over Steve’s shoulder.

This one was particularly descriptive. 

_my vagina is bleeding. get me something to staunch the flow?_

He texted her back with a “sure” before Clint or Tony could stop him. And they did try. As soon as he hit “send,” Steve realized they were staring at him in horror.  “What?” he demanded.

Clint was the first to speak. “Cap, you can’t buy a girl’s feminine products.”

“Why not?” If this was some modern relationship rule, no one ever mentioned it to him. Besides, it sounded like a dumb ass rule, as Darcy liked to say. 

“Because everyone will know you’re whipped,” Tony answered, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Steve stared at them. “What?”

“Whipped? You know when a girl’s got you by the balls and—“

Steve rolled his eyes. “Yes, thanks I know what whipped means. I just don’t understand why it’s a big deal. Darcy’s my girl. I wanna take care of her.”

“Cap,” Tony said, shaking his head. “Cap. It’s like if you give a mouse a cookie…they’re gonna ask for a glass of milk, and then it keeps going and going until you owe them half your net worth in alimony checks.” 

“It’s just tampons and pads, Tony,” Steve said in exasperation.

“It _starts_ with tampons,” Clint interjected. Tony nodded in agreement.

They’d razzed him until he left for the pharmacy, but Steve didn’t mind. He had Darcy waiting for him at home, and he loved her. Buying her stuff for her period wasn’t a big deal.

Except when he got to the store, he ran into a problem. He knew Darcy, loved her, loved being with her. And while Steve had thought he'd noticed everything about her, committed all of it to memory to hold in his heart, it did appear that there were some details that had escaped his notice.

Like what kind of stuff she used.

He hadn’t expected there to be so many types and brands. Tampons, pads, liners. Light, regular, heavy. Wings, no wings. Applicators, no applicators. Scented, unscented. Boxes that proclaimed “SPORTS” on the front, or “gentle glide.” What did that even mean?

Staring at the wall of product, Steve was completely overwhelmed. He pulled out his cell to give Darcy a call, but it went to voice mail. Darcy’s period made her cranky and tired, that much he knew, so she was probably taking a nap. But he didn’t want to grab the wrong thing, and he didn’t want to go home without anything, so with a resigned sigh, he decided to just try one of everything. If there was stuff she didn’t like, he was sure he could donate the unopened boxes somewhere.

He had just dumped one of everything in the first row when a woman spoke up from beside him. She was young, with bright pink hair, and she was snapping gum like a teenager. Hell, she probably was a teenager.  “You buying those for your girl?” she asked.

“Yeah.”

The woman raised an eyebrow. “And you don’t know what kind she uses.”

“That obvious?” Steve asked with a sheepish grin.

“Well the stuff you’re packing away, I figured it was that or you owned a harem,” Pinky said with a grin, and Steve couldn’t decide if her smile was mocking or not. The woman’s smile widened. 

“I didn’t want to get her the wrong one,” Steve said with a shrug.

“Oh God, that’s so sweet.” Two other woman had joined them in the aisle, an older blonde and brunette, and they were looking at him like he was some kind of rare alien creature. God, when has this become a party? The blonde was the one who spoke. “My husband always just grabs the first box that comes to hand unless I give him explicit instructions.”

The brunette laughed. “Mine, too. Even after ten years of marriage, he still treats the tampon aisle like he’s going to get infected with estrogen if he stays long enough to read a label on a box.”

“Buying each one seems a little impractical,” the blonde went on, “but if you know if she prefers tampons over pads or vice versa, you can narrow it down a little.”

“Uh…” Steve wracked his brain, trying to think of whether he’d seen either of those in her possession. The women looked at him expectantly and he slumped his shoulders. “I think she uses both.”

“Hmm,” Pinky said, snapping her gum. “You can always get a box of both. Do you know when she started?”

That he did know, mostly because he at least knew the _signs_ that her period was coming by now. That, and she’d flat out said, “I just started my period. No sex for a week.” That was two days ago.

“I’d just go with a box of the regular, both pads and tampons,” Pinky said. Brunette and Blonde nodded in agreement. 

“Oh. Okay.” He turned and stared again at the wall of feminine products, still at sea. “Uh…could you possibly recommend some brands?”

That got him a round of suggestions, each woman extolling the virtues of this brand or that. They drew a couple of more ladies, all who had their own opinion. When they were finished, he still wasn’t any surer about what to get. Pinky rolled her eyes, grabbed two boxes off the shelf and stuck them in Steve’s basket.

“These should tide her over,” she said finally. Steve more than agreed. He’d been in here for over half an hour.

“Oh, she should probably get some of these, too. Just in case.” One of the newcomers gave him two smaller boxes, both of which said “overnight.”

“Thanks so much for your help, ladies,” he said. And he meant it. He never would have been able to navigate this without help.

“You’re welcome!” they chimed back, and turned to each other to discuss—well, he wasn’t sure what, because he was calling Darcy again, just to double check in case she was awake by now. Since there was no answer, he figured she had to be wiped. The blonde and brunette passed, and tossed him a medicine box. Midol.

“Just in case,” the brunette said with a wave. “And maybe you should buy her a few things she likes, too.”

He brightened at the suggestion. While he wasn’t sure what pads or tampons she liked, he did know what her comfort foods were. He grabbed a box of rocky road, a couple of bars of chocolate, and headed home. They’d only moved in together a week ago, but he liked repeating the word in his head.

Home. That felt nice. And buying this stuff, it felt domestic. He liked it a lot.

When he got back, she was in the kitchen making dinner. “Honey, I’m home,” he called out, knowing it made her laugh when he said it. “I got you something.”

“Is it something to block the river coming out of my vag?” Darcy asked, looking up with a grin.

Steve wrapped an arm around her and pressed a kiss to her temple, then went back to the bags he’d set on the table. “You say the most charming things.” He pulled the tampons and pads out of the bag. “I wasn’t sure which kind you wanted—“

“These will work fine. And you got overnight stuff!” She threw herself into his arms and pressed a kiss to his lips. “You are officially the best boyfriend.”

“Well if you like that, you’ll love this.” He pulled the ice cream and chocolate out, and her eyes lit up. 

“You’re the best boyfriend in the universe.”

“I do like the sound of that,” Steve said with a chuckle. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her, long and deep. “I might have had a little help. A funny thing happened while I was at the pharmacy…”


End file.
